No, not that one.
Or any of these.
No, this one's a new one. One that that is making its debut this year, at least in the world of baseball.
You see, this year the All Star rosters will be announced not by a press release, or the managers simply posting them online, but on a 30-minute-long special on ESPN (or MLB Network, one of the two).
Let me give you a few reasons why this pisses me off.
1. You do not need thirty minutes to give two sets of rosters for an All Star Game, MLB or no. You can just as well say 'LOOK. LISTS. HERE THEY ARE', instead of just padding out thirty minutes for something that could be resolved in two.
2. Because this is a thirty minute block, this means that there will be approximately five minutes of actually giving the fricking rosters, and therefore there will be SEVENTEEN EXTRA MINUTES of just people f--king talking about them. We do not NEED seventeen minutes of sportswriters talking about this shit. That is what we have our own opinions for.
3. If somebody we really like that really deserves it doesn't make the cut, we go 'oh, that really sucks'. Meanwhile, the sportswriters will spend two minutes talking about why, how, and all the above about this one player that didn't make it. WE CAME FOR ROSTERS. TWO SETS OF ROSTERS. NOT OPINIONS ON EVERY PLAYER NOT ON SAID SETS OF ROSTERS.
4. The sportswriters know as well as we do that they will be gasping to fill time in between the announcements of the rosters, so it will turn out like a condensed version of one of those Results Shows for one of your favorite reality shows. You get a lot of filler, padding, things we really don't need to see, a shitload of commercials to placate you more, and then we get what you actually came to see, only 51 minutes later than it should have been. It's television's equivalent of supermarkets strategically placing a bunch of crap in front of the milk, eggs and bread, AKA the only shit you actually came to see. Yeah, it's exhausting, but when there's so much else to exploit, what's the point of just, you know, GIVING THE PEOPLE EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANTED AND NOTHING ELSE?
(takes asprin)
So really, the sportswriters will be struggling to find anything to talk about that's actually important. Don't be surprised if somebody brings up LeBron James just to feel refreshed again.
5. The NBA did this tactic first, but the NBA already has a lot of flair, pomp, circumstance, etc. Plus, they actually get the players there as they announce that they'll be on the team, which makes it kind of cool, and showy and drawn out FOR A REASON. NFL started doing it this year because...hey, Deion Sanders isn't on TV enough already! No, but NFL's version was a lazy, 30 minute 'picking teams' ceremony that could have been handled in a press release. So the MLB is taking the advice from the wrong role model here, in simply standing on TV, talking about crap, and THEN giving the rosters.
But wouldn't it be really cool if they did what the NBA does? If they had people like Giancarlo Stanton, Yasiel Puig, Albert Pujols and Derek Jeter showing up onstage when there name's called, to a sea of adoring fans and stuff like that? Wouldn't that be awesome? Why can't the MLB do THAT?
There. Rant over. Tomorrow night, you'll have your rosters, and I'll react to them in full. But if they botch this somehow, then you'll have another rant on your hands.
Coming Tomorrow- A Braves outfielder that I always make customs of early on.
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