Monday, November 2, 2015
In The Post 2000 (or 3000)
Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached a milestone on Mint Condition.
After nearly seven years, countless customs, and dozens of posts about hating David Freese, Mint Condition has reached its 2,000th post.
I know. What took me so long?
Bottom line, I've made it to my 2000th, and I've been through a lot. However, every once and a while I can't help but look...into the future.
("The future, Jordan?")
That's right. Seeing as I've written 2000 posts, I'd figure that I make some obscene predictions, as a way of paying homage to an old Late Night with Conan O'Brien bit that not a lot of people remember.
So, one can't help but look to the future, to see what posts on Mint Condition will be like...IN THE POST 3000...
In the Post 3000... Joe Buck will still be covering NFL and MLB games at Fox. At least that's what the guy at the mental hospital is supposed to tell him.
In the Post 3000... The MLBPA will finally agree to give Panini an official license to make baseball cards with logos. Unfortunately, they gave this license to *A* panini. Fortunately, it's a very tasty one.
In the Post 3000... Pete Rose will make a dramatic return to the spotlight when it is announced that he also bet on when McDonalds would re-introduce the McRib. Of course, Rob Manfred doesn't give two shits and lets him in the Hall of Fame anyway.
In the Post 3000... Nelson Cruz will have the first down year of his newly revitalized career, when he ONLY bats .280 with 30 home runs.
In the Post 3000... A year after his induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, Brett Favre will announce his return to the sport, to play quarterback for the Chicago Bears. The deal falls through, however, when the Bears realize Favre wasn't joking.
In the Post 3000... Topps will finally answer collectors and bring back the much-beloved Topps Total. It will be hobby-shop exclusive, have a 200 card set with an extra 60 short printed cards, and have three sticker autos per box. Each box will also come with a hand-signed note from the CEO of Topps, going "NYAH!"
In the Post 3000... The Chicago Cubs will FINALLY manage to make it to the World Series. However, it will have all gone awry once it is revealed that manager Joe Maddon has, in fact, been taking performance enhancing drugs. And so has the magician he brought in halfway through the season.
In the Post 3000... For the first time ever, Major League Baseball will be played in Mexico...however, this backfires when the attendance falls lower than Marlins games.
In the Post 3000... The Mets will advance to the NLCS, where they will fall victim to a hair-raising blunder, and be no-hit by the Dodgers, which will cause Keith Hernandez' head to spontaneously combust. Which, in my opinion, could be pretty nice.
In the Post 3000... Mint Condition will still be your supplier of custom cards, box breaks, and relatively funny posts that use the word 'damn' too much. Only IN SPACE...or something.
Thanks for sticking with me through 2000, guys. It's been fun. Onto the next milestone...