I didn't even know they were happening, so I missed the whole 'Tim Kurkjian Trolls The Audience While His Eyebrows Play the Fiddle' special on ESPN, so we just have the rosters here, ready for me to riff.
C: Willson Contreras, Chicago Cubs. AND ALREADY I'M SURPRISED. I would have gone with Buster Posey personally, but the Cubs fans rallied, and this is an alright choice.
1B: Freddie Freeman, Atlanta Braves. Duh.
2B: Javier Baez, Chicago Cubs. I personally voted for LeMahieu (I think), but with Baez' season, this is perfectly fine.
SS: Brandon Crawford, San Francisco Giants. Admittedly a weaker SS crowd this year, but Crawford had the most accolades for the nod.
3B: Nolan Arenado, Colorado Rockies. Duh.
OF: Nick Markakis, Atlanta Braves; Matt Kemp, Los Angeles Dodgers; Bryce Harper, Washington Nationals. Aside from Harper, a very experienced outfield. I also don't especially think Harper deserved it, and would have preferred someone like Albert Almora or Odubel Herrera starting.
C: Buster Posey, San Francisco Giants. SHOULD BE STARTING
C: JT Realmuto, Miami Marlins. Nice that he gets the nod before he's traded.
1B: Joey Votto, Cincinnati Reds. An obvious nod, but I sincerely hope he's not the only rep from Cincy
1B: Paul Goldschmidt, Arizona Diamondbacks. With his June, why the hell not? If I had a guess, I'd say Roberts will use him as a DH.
2B: Scooter Gennett, Cincinnati Reds. Ah, this I'm very glad about. Could be used as a fantastic bench tool, as well.
2B: Ozzie Albies, Atlanta Braves. Actually, HE SHOULD BE STARTING. He's had the flashier season than Baez (arguably).
SS: Trevor Story, Colorado Rockies. Good for him. With his comeback season, it's welcome
3B: Eugenio Suarez, Cincinnati Reds. THREE FROM THE REDS!! Normally I'd be confused but after seeing the team, this makes sense. Suarez is a fantastic player.
CF: Lorenzo Cain, Milwaukee Brewers. With his WAR, it'd be a shame if he was left off.
LF: Christian Yelich, Milwaukee Brewers. Oh, thank god he's on there too.
RF: Charlie Blackmon, Colorado Rockeis. A bit more suspect, as LeMahieu might have been a safer nod, but Blackmon still will do well. Also: no Max Muncy? Hm.
Max Scherzer, Washington Nationals. Will probably start.
Jacob de Grom, New York Mets. Incredibly well-deserving, even if he's probably the only Mets starter.
Jon Lester, Chicago Cubs. This one's pretty deserving, too.
Aaron Nola, Philadelphia Phillies. I'm a little sad that nobody else from Philly got in (not even Odubel Herrera?), but if anybody from Philly deserves it...it's definitely Aaron Nola. Guy's been phenomenal this year.
Patrick Corbin, Arizona Diamondbacks. The surprise fireballer here. I'd be shocked if he makes it and Greinke is completely shut out.
Mike Foltynewicz, Atlanta Braves. Aw, good for him. He's having a nice season. Newcomb would have sufficed too.
Miles Mikolas, St. Louis Cardinals. I think this is the Cards' only nod, which is doubly impressive and hysterical. The Japan import is the only All Star. Fantastic.
Josh Hader, Milwaukee Brewers. Why yes, of course the scariest reliever in the NL can join the All Star Team.
Kenley Jansen, Los Angeles Dodgers. Probably out of routine, though he did improve after a scary start.
Sean Doolittle, Washington Nationals. This is a fantastic sight. Good for Doc.
Brad Hand, San Diego Padres. Sole nod from San Diego, and why not? He's the only one worth writing home about, save for maybe Hosmer.
Felipe Vazquez, Pittsburgh Pirates. Now...Vazquez might not have been the best choice from Pittsburgh. I would have gone with Cervelli or Marte, but there are better options at both of those positions.
C: Wilson Ramos, Tampa Bay Rays. Yes, weak year for catchers in the AL, but this is not Wilson's first start, and he's playing pretty well this year.
1B: Jose Abreu, Chicago White Sox. I'm not disputing this. Abreu's been fantastic this year.
2B: Jose Altuve, Houston Astros. Nor this. He's the vote leader, I think
SS: Manny Machado, Baltimore Orioles. Likely his last start as an O, and another well-deserved one.
3B: Jose Ramirez, Cleveland Indians. Another no-brainer.
OF: Mookie Betts, Boston Red Sox; Mike Trout, Los Angeles Angels; Aaron Judge, New York Yankees. Yeah, sounds about right
DH: J.D. Martinez, Boston Red Sox. I still would have fought for Stanton, but it's clearly Martinez' year
C: Salvador Perez, Kansas City Royals. They just couldn't keep him off there this decade, could they?
1B: Mitch Moreland, Boston Red Sox. This is his first ASG, which I found kinda hard to believe. But hey, hell of a way to get in.
2B: GLEYBER TORRES, NEW YORK YANKEES. Yes, he's injured, and will probably be replaced by somebody 'available' and not 'worthy', but I'm still glad he was named.
SS: Francisco Lindor, Cleveland Indians. Again, duh.
3B: Alex Bregman, Houston Astros. I'm all for it, I'm just kind of confused why Correa didn't get in too.
LF: Michael Brantley, Cleveland Indians. Of course.
RF: George Springer, Houston Astros. I'm glad so many Astros got in; there's probably more in the pitching staff.
RF: Mitch Haniger, Seattle Mariners. I think this is well-deserved
DH: Shin-Soo Choo, Texas Rangers. How is this HIS first ASG???? How didn't he get in back in 2013? Anyway, I'm overjoyed it's happening now.
DH: Nelson Cruz, Seattle Mariners. Of course.
Justin Verlander, Houston Astros. So well-deserved. Unfortunately he's already been deemed null by the dreaded Sunday rule.
Corey Kluber, Cleveland Indians. Doesn't need to be contested.
Chris Sale, Boston Red Sox.
Luis Severino, New York Yankees. I was expecting to disagree more with these. All four of these are wonderful picks.
Gerrit Cole, Houston Astros. Another fantastic pick.
Jose Berrios, Minnesota Twins. I think he might be their only nod
J.A. Happ, Toronto Blue Jays. I think HE...might be THEIR only nod. Wowww..
Trevor Bauer, Cleveland Indians. Replacing Verlander. Not bad, but I would have gone with Charlie Morton or Rick Porcello.
Edwin Diaz, Seattle Mariners. Yeah, he deserves this.
Joe Jimenez, Detroit Tigers. ...HE'S THEIR ONLY NOD??? Really? Not even Jeimer Candelario or Nick Castellanos??
Craig Kimbrel, Boston Red Sox. Of course.
Aroldis Chapman, New York Yankees. Annnnd another good one for Hinch's roster-making skills.
Blake Treinen, Oakland A's. NOT SEAN MANAEA? Hm.
NL: Jesus Aguilar, Brandon Belt, Matt Carpenter, Max Muncy and Trea Turner. ADV: MUNCY
AL: Andrew Benintendi, Eddie Rosario, Jean Segura, Andrelton Simmons, Giancarlo Stanton. As much as I want to lobby for Stanton, Segura and Simmons are having better seasons.
Not bad, these rosters. I sincerely hope they're not screwed up by technicalities.