I'm using this post, and the fact that we've got a few days until the playoff arrangements are going to become painfully clear, to celebrate all the teams that put up valiant efforts, but just fell short of being cared-about in October.
So, to sum up the strengths, and weaknesses (but really, mostly weaknesses) of the teams that didn't do so well this year, we here at Mint Condition have arranged some 2015 season Superlatives for them. And these are pretty specific ones, too. Almost as specific as Jimmy Fallon's, except less weed-soaked.
Here we go, folks. The 2015 Playoff-Missers Superlatives:
Most Likely to Succeed (according to the sportswriters back in February): San Diego Padres
Best One Horse Team that Somehow Wound up in Third: Arizona Diamondbacks
Least Productive Use of Offseason Free Agent Signings: Boston Red Sox.
Best Way Exemplifying Why You Simply Do Not Just Trade your Third Baseman for another third baseman: Oakland Athletics.
|Close, Brett, but no cigar.|
Best Pitching (for a team that didn't make the playoffs): Cleveland Indians.
Team that just decided to mail it in after the All Star Break: Detroit Tigers.
Team that got amazing after the All Star Break but didn't make the playoffs: Cleveland Indians
Best Way of Tarnishing the Hopes and Dreams of a Dedicated Fanbase: Philadelphia Phillies.
|When Jeff Francoeur is your main offensive producer, you're doing something wrong.|
Team that did in fact make third place...but didn't do as well as people thought: Miami Marlins
Most Likely to do the exact same thing they did last year: Tampa Bay Rays
Best Show of Effort: San Francisco Giants.
Team that decided to break their fans' hearts in April, rather than in September or June like the last few years: Milwaukee Brewers.
Most Helpful Reminder that Injuries can Really Screw up a Team: Washington Nationals.
Team that has every justifiable reason to be bitter right now: Chicago White Sox
#1 Reason Why You Don't Simply Give Away All Your Good Pitchers in July: Cincinnati Reds
Team That Cannot Seem to Figure Out The Problem: Seattle Mariners.
Team that did marginally better than everyone thought, though that isn't really saying much: Atlanta Braves
Team that has a legitimate shot to succeed next year if they don't screw up: San Francisco Giants or Cleveland Indians.
That about does it. Tomorrow I'll get to talking about the teams that actually made it in.