There were 28 other teams you could have signed with! Why did you have to pick my least favorite, the Red Sox?
It's bad enough that you'll be sharing a bench with Ortiz and Pedroia, but the worst part is you'll be playing my Yankees WAY more often. And that's sad. I don't wanna have to root against you. You were such a fun player when you were with the Phillies.
So once the years are up, or maybe before, go somewhere else where I won't absolutely despise you. Please.