In the Post 3000 (or 4000)

I had to double-take in my 'posts' column on blogger today, to make sure I was doing the math correctly. But yes, this will be my 3000th post on the blog, after 9 years, countless customs, and too many beratings of the St. Louis Cardinals. We made it to 3000, and so, like when I hit 2000, I'd like to take this opportunity to look to the future.

"The Future, Jordan?"

That's right. I guess I'll take this opportunity to make some more ridiculous predictions, and...essentially auditions for any late night show currently hiring, by paying homage to an old Conan O'Brien bit, and showcasing what my posts will be like....IN THE POST '4000'

In the Post 4000... The Philadelphia Eagles will be coming off their 6th Super Bowl victory in a row. Unfortunately, thanks to the Philly fans' post-win exploits, none of Philadelphia is left for them to destroy.

In the Post 4000... Public outcry from collectors will reach a new high when it is revealed that 2020 Topps Archives will pay tribute to 2018 Topps.

In the Post 4000... One of Bryan Colangelo's burner phones will make a record sale on eBay

In the Post 4000... In an unprecedented move, Mike Trout will sign a multi-year deal with the Miami Marlins. Eventually it will be revealed that Trout just wanted to finally get a picture of the giant fountain in center field, and injures himself immediately to get that photo.

In the Post 4000... A new, multi-million-dollar stadium will be built for the Los Angeles Rams and Chargers. Meanwhile, several season ticket holders will be found clinging to the ruins to the San Diego stadium, pre-demolition.

In the Post 4000... The Cleveland Indians will win their first World Series since 1948, when its long-standing curse is finally lifted, and Charlie Sheen is finally allowed to throw out the first pitch at Progressive Field.

In the Post 4000... Brett Favre will sign with the Miami Dolphins in an effort to add youth to their roster.

In the Post 4000... Giancarlo Stanton and Aaron Judge will battle to break Barry Bonds' 73-homers-in-a-season record. In an effort to keep things substance-free, both players agree to have their urine sampled after each home run. This plan will backfire when a confused umpire drinks one of them.

In the Post 4000... Topps will reclaim their football license, followed by their basketball license, the Mickey Mantle rights, and, sadly, Michael Eisner.

In the Post 4000... I will still be writing Mint Condition, despite having a successful day job as a Hollywood screenwriter or something. I dunno, I can dream, right?

Thanks for sticking with me through 3000, guys. Hope you guys will get another whole 1000 from me.