Son of Raul

Fact: The Kansas City Royals beat the odds by winning their first two games of the year, against the White Sox.

Fact: They haven't won since.

Not that they haven't been trying. By the grace of Adalberto Mondesi, Whit Merrifield, Alex Gordon and Jorge Soler, the bats have been coming alive. But...there's no pitching, and no bullpen. Yes, Keller and Junis can strike people out, but they can't exactly block many runs. Of course...neither can Homer Bailey. But you knew that.

So...really, if this is the thing that's gonna happen in Kansas City for the next few months of baseball, how do the Royals keep things afloat. How do they not tank the remaining 151 games? How do they keep things fresh?

Well...I guess they have some fancy call-ups in mind. Really fancy. Glamorous people with glamorous names. Like...Frank Schwindel. That's a great name there, Frank Schwindel. And Glenn Sparkman. Which is either like a bad pseudonym or a porn name.

Hell, they even brought up a guy named Richard Lovelady. That is the guy's name. RICHARD...LOVELADY. You cannot possibly make up a name like that, even if you are Wes Anderson. That's the guy's name. It's not like he changed it to keep with the times, or because baseball already has a Raul Mondesi and needs another Adalberto. That's his name. Richard, or Dick if you're nasty, Lovelady.

It's at times like these that I wish SpastikMooss was still blogging. Because Richard Lovelady would go right up there with God Shamgod, Wonderful Terrific Mounds, Dick Pole and Rusty Kuntz.

...but I imagine he's a wonderful pitcher and a great guy, and if he or his parents or lawyer is reading this post for some strange reason, they'll go easy on the little guy who's just trying to make some funny on the internet. That name is awesome, though. I'm not making fun as much as I'm paying reverence.

...I'm supposed to be talking about Adalberto Mondesi, right? Shit.

Yeah, Royals have dropped a ton of games, they're not doing great, but they're not...awful. The lineup ain't bad. If they had a pitching staff to match, they'd be better off. Maybe all it takes is a little Lovelady.

Coming Tonight: If you think what I had to say was offensive, you should read this guy's old tweets...which he has apologized for. I think. Adversely, he's still an amazing reliever.