Eliminated Football Roundup: Week 15

This is a new series on the blog, and a way of displaying football customs on the blog again. We're in the part of the season where the playoff divisions are sort of set in stone, and the remaining teams are just sort of running out the clock until they get to go home and sit on their piles of money for a few months. So I figured I'd check in with the teams that have been eliminated from playoff contention, and see how they're doing amidst the circumstances.

Obviously the Patriots are a good place to start, because for the first time since the Matt Cassel era in Foxboro, the Pats won't be making a playoff appearance this year. To me, it's about time. I know it's ironic for a Yankee fan to hate an all-knowing evil monolith of a team that wins every year no matter what, but Belichick makes Brian Cashman look wholesome.

Today, against the surprisingly-fit Miami Dolphins, Cam Newton and the Patriots felt listless. The absence of decent receivers was definitely felt, and Newton's passing game felt very off today, more than usual. Alternatively, Tua Tagovailoa was running rings around Newton, putting his team up by 10, and coming back from a slow first half. 

The Pats are officially out of the picture, and the great Patriots dynasty may be dimming even further. 

Meanwhile, the Houston Texans continued their sharp slide that this season has inevitably become, with no fault towards stars like J.J. Watt and Deshaun Watson. The odd thing is, this team was pretty even with Indianapolis for most of the game, only losing by a botched reception by Kekee Coutee in the endzone in the final minutes by Houston. David Johnson had a pretty nice game, with 100 receiving yards. Watson himself was also pretty sharp today. But it came down to which team had the better all-around effort, and it was ultimately the Colts, who are likely playoff-bound. 

Elsewhere in that division, James Robinson had another fantastic day to cement his status as one of the premier rookie performers of 2020, and one of the best young running backs in the league. Unfortunately for him, he happens to be playing for the Jacksonville Jaguars, a team that would best be described as 'befuddled'. Gardner Minshew looked absolutely confused out there today. There was one specific play where the Ravens completely guessed his play-call, and he looked positively startled by it. Unsurprisingly, Lamar Jackson and the Ravens put on a show against the Jags, with 40 points against Minshew and co's measly 14. 

The Detroit Lions actually held their own for the most part during an all-too-certain loss against the Tennessee Titans. It does help that Matthew Stafford is one of the best QBs in the league this year, and had 252 passing yards today, plus two TDs to his main man DeAndre Swift. So even if the Lions are still ailing after firing Matt Patricia, they still have enough going on to be a mild spoiler going into the final weeks of the season. 

I will hand it to Matt Ryan and the Falcons- for the umpteenth week, they did have the opposing team on the ropes for the majority of the game, and greatly limited the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for the first half of the game. Ryan still had 356 passing yards today. Calvin Ridley still had 163 receiving yards. However, as is prone to happen with Matt Ryan against Tom Brady, there was an epic comeback, and Brady spent the entire second half getting comfortable and turning the game upside down, culminating in the latest and greatest blown Falcons lead of 2020. It's far from Matt Ryan's fault, but the fact that Brady and the Bucs can still do epic comebacks despite still feeling like an underdog is a dangerous aspect of that team. 

And then, most surprisingly, you have the New York Jets. Who, despite going up against the formidable, 1st place Rams, still defied all odds and got their first win of the season, on the backs of Sam Darnold's non-haunted precision and Frank Gore's non-elderly touchdown. Nobody expected a Jets win here, especially not Jets fans, and despite the fact that they probably just lost the ability to draft Trevor Lawrence in April, they also blocked any chance of finishing the 2020 season without a win. Which is a bit more of a dignified way of going out, I suppose. 

Tune in next week to see which other non-competitive teams pull some odd luck in similar situations. 

AFC Championship- Man, this QB matchup looks familiar

We've seen this a million times, because this is what happens in January. Tom Brady HAS to play Peyton Manning. It's a law. Goodell decreed it. It must happen, which is why it's happening again.

It's not like the outcome's set in stone too. What makes it so riveting is the fact that both of these teams have won, and it can lead to a Super Bowl matchup, or just a plain old Super Bowl loss, which both are becoming very accustomed to.

So, who do I think is going to win today? To quote Bill Murray in Moonrise Kingdom, that's a loaded question.

Who I want to win: Broncos

Ever since they took down my Eagles in 2005, I have had an extreme hatred for the New England Patriots. Even in matchups with the Dallas Cowboys, I want them to lose. So naturally, in terms of favorability, the Broncos have the edge. I don't even have to like them, they're just better than the Patriots.

Who the sportswriters say will win: Broncos.

Because they've been predicting it from the start, and because they don't want to back off of that.

Who I really don't want to win: Patriots.

Because if they win, odds are the Super Bowl will be very tough, and there's a chance of them getting a fourth ring. Three is enough. The Packers have four, and that's one more than them. I would like the fact to remain that the Packers have won more Super Bowls than the Patriots.

Who should win: Patriots.

Because they have enough speed, enough veterans, and enough general effort to potentially befuddle the Broncos. I'm not saying I'm for this, I'm saying that I have a sneaking suspicion that this might happen.

Who will win: Broncos.

I don't care if the Patriots are tough as hell. I just think that the Broncos are the better team, the stronger team, and therefore, have a better chance to win it. Will it happen? Who's to say. Like I said earlier, these matchups can go either way. I just hope it'll go Manning's way tonight.

The NFL Season vs. Predictability

So, we're a couple weeks away from the end of the season. Four teams remain. In the AFC, the Broncos and Patriots will battle it out. In the NFC, the Seahawks and 49ers will battle it out. These are four strong teams that have deserved their passage into this rung of the playoffs, defied all obstacles, and proven themselves to be strong.

The only problem is that these are the exact four teams everyone thought would be in this stage of the playoffs back in September.

All of us were just waiting for one of the meeker teams to sweep in and take somebody out, or someone unlikely like San Diego to weasel their way in. But it didn't happen. San Diego got their asses kicked yesterday. And the Broncos came in unbeaten.

No. Last year that didn't happen. Last year the Ravens defied every obstacle and managed to sit them on their asses. And then when they played New England THEY DID IT AGAIN. And that Super Bowl you had two underdog teams, by the standards of what people had seen coming.

And maybe last year spoiled me. Because this year, you have four teams that were REALLY supposed to be there getting to the end, no harm done. And everybody would have seen this coming, too. Ask any NFL fan, any unbiased, sportswriter-type NFL fan, who is making the Super Bowl, September 2013. They'll tell you it's a Seahawks-Broncos series. And ask them who else makes the championship series', and this will make them think. They'll guess the 49ers, and then, after they hesitate for a few seconds, they'll answer the Patriots, because they always win.

And this isn't my basis for predictability no. Do you want actual, printed proof that these four teams were DESTINED to be in this rung of the playoffs? SPORTS ILLUSTRATED PREDICTED THIS EXACT MATCHUP!

You look in the NFL Preview issue of Sports Illustrated, and what four teams do they say are gonna make it to the end? Broncos, Seahawks, 49ers, Patriots. ESPN predicted the Seahawks and Broncos to win it, not the other two. They said the Packers and Texans would make it to the end. Why? Because it was unpredictable what would happen to the Texans, and to Aaron Rodgers this season.

Now I'm not gonna cry foul and say they were playing Nostradamus. Why? Because you didn't NEED to be Nostradamus to guess the outcome. The four teams you would THINK would make it to the end, MADE it to the end.

And that's why this NFL season is probably gonna go down as a disappointment. In every playoff game, the team that everyone thought was going to win, won. I was just predicting the teams I wanted to win, because I didn't want it to be too predictable. There was really nothing out of the ordinary in the last few weeks. And I wanted there to be, too. I wanted the teams that nobody would think to get too far, to do so. I wanted the Colts to beat the Patriots, I wanted the Eagles to beat the Saints, I wanted the Bengals to beat the Colts, etc, etc.

I mean, don't get me wrong, this weekend's games will be exciting, and the Super Bowl will be a nail-biter, but that's because the outcomes are the only things that are unpredictable, the scores. I can take a wild guess and say that the Broncos and Seahawks will be in the World Series, however, I can't tell you who wins by how much. And that is why people watch.

The Super Bowl is the one thing no one can predict. Not even Sports Illustrated.

(Footnote- for those of you who think that just because SI got this one right, they're officially world-renown soothsayers, I direct you to their 2012 and 2013 MLB previews. Both years they predicted the Los Angeles Angels to finish first in the AL West. And we all know how well that turned out.)

Football Predictions: Week 8

Wudja look at that. I made a really good custom of a player I despise.

Anyway, today marks the near-halfway point of the 2013 season, which is crazy, because it feels like it just started. But, no. We've already seen teams fall, rise, and whatever the hell the Rams are doing now that Bradford's gone. So, this week will be another week ripe with great matchups and awful predictions on my part.

1 PM Games:

Cowboys vs. Lions:
Who should win: Lions. Even though their awesomeness has slipped in the last few weeks, they are still a pretty damn good team, with good materials, something nobody would have thought back in 2008. The Cowboys are slowly surging, and are currently heading up the NFC East, not that that really says anything this year. I see the Lions having a better game, however...
Who will win: Cowboys. You know, somebody really hates me up there. The Cowboys, who have really no materials, a lot of young stars that are untested, and one of the most overrated QBs in the NFL, should not by any means be doing this well this year. I'm not bitter at the collapse of my beloved Eagles. I'm just confused. How are they doing it? Is there some secret sacrifice they made before the season? Did they sacrifice Buddy Ryan and not tell us? Either way, they're probably gonna win today.
Overall: Cowboys over Lions.

Browns vs. Chiefs:
Ooooh this is gonna be a toughie.
Who will and should win: Chiefs. In the battle between two teams that should be absolutely sucking this season, I'm giving it to the 7-0 team. Why? Because I want Andy Reid to shut up all those naysayers back home by winning a Super Bowl without the Eagles. With no offense to the Browns, because they're having a great season, and it would be even more awesome if they kept winning and made an impact in the postseason. The Chiefs have this one, I think.
Overall: Chiefs over Browns.

Dolphins vs. Patriots:
Who should win: Dolphins. Y'Now, in theory, it always seems like the better, and more fun team is gonna win. This week is no exception. The Dolphins are playing really well this season, and it's all thanks to a new direction for Ryan Tannehill, which is great. They should do well today.
Who will win: Patriots. Because the Patriots don't care for theory.
Overall: Pats over Dolphins, with a wide margin.

Bills vs. Saints:
Who should win: Saints. Drew Brees, man. Drew effing Brees. Nobody has defied expectations for this season like the Saints, who took all those 'meh' predictions and threw them in the faces of the reporters. Now they're facing the Bills, who sorta slid down a slope of awfulness after a while. No contest.
Who will win: Saints. The defense is strong, the offense is stronger, the team is tighter, the Bills are Bills. If I'm wrong, then something disasterous has happened.
Overall: Saints over Bills.

Giants vs. Eagles:
Who should win: Eagles. Now I know how absolutely unlikely it is for the Eagles to do exactly what they're told, especially if the opposing team is so damn easy to beat. But...bear with me here. Last time the Eagles went up against a losing team, they won. It was the Bucs. They can do this.
Who will win: Eagles. I'm going with this one because I believe that they have it in them, and I believe that no matter how hard Michael Vick tries to screw this one up, he's going to be unsuccessful. I hope.
Overall: Eagles over Giants, with a way-too close margin.

49ers vs. Jaguars:
Bahaha.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA....AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! YOU KILL ME!
AHAHA...ahaha...oh, man. Welp,
Who should win: 49ers
Who will win: 49ers.
Overall: 49ers steamroll Jags. Harbaugh should be in a good mood in the press conference. I really hope they don't screw this up.

4 PM GAMES:

Jets vs. Bengals:
Who should win: Bengals. Two surprising teams. I'm going with the Bengals here because I like them a lot better this season. Andy Dalton is doing things right, the defense is thriving thanks to James Harrison, and the offense is also very strong. The Jets are getting better, but I think they'll take a backseat.
Who will win: Bengals. Seriously, Rex. Calm the hell down.
Overall: Bengals over Jets

Steelers vs. Raiders:
(flips coin)
Who should win: Raiders.
Who will win: Raiders.
Overall: Raiders over Steelers. Because patheticness will triumph over bottled patheticness.

Redskins vs. Broncos:
Who should win: Broncos. I don't care if Peyton says he's hurt. We're talking about one of the best teams in football, and one of the most stacked teams in football, against the Redskins.
Who will win: Broncos. The Redskins are such a disappointment this year. I feel very sorry for anyone who actually thinks they're going to win today.
Overall: Broncos over Skins.

Falcons vs. Cardinals:
Who should win: Falcons. Hm, battle of the bird teams. My pet cockatiel will love this one. Anyway, I'm giving this one to the better team, in my opinion. Like, they're both pretty good this season, but the Falcons are more of a consistently good team than the Cards.
Who will win: Cardinals, because absolutely nothing in football goes according to plan, this or any season. It's how it goes.
Overall: Cards over Falcons in a squeaker.

8 PM GAME:

Packers vs. Vikings:
Who should win: Packers. The Packers have been doing so well as of late, despite the initial two losses. They're improving as a team, and they're slashing through opponents. This week they're playing the Vikings. Fun times for all.
Who will win: Packers. Backstory time. When I was a kid, I loved the Packers. And every time they'd have to play the Vikings, it would be grueling, and they would lose, and Culpepper would dance around in joy, and I would be pissed. One day I wished for Daunte Culpepper to break his ankle. The Vikings only got back to the postseason once after that, and it was with a former Green Bay Packer at the helm. So the football gods work in mysterious ways, I guess, to paraphrase Bono. Let's see 'em work their magic tonight.
Overall: Packers over Vikings.

MONDAY NIGHT:

Seahawks vs. Rams:
Who should win: Seahawks, because they're obviously the better team.
Who should win: Seahawks, because I fully expect the Rams to just plummet now that Bradford's out.
Overall: Seahawks over Rams.

Well, that's it for today's matchups. Hopefully most of them go according to plan.