Wednesday, November 7, 2012

On Grandal: Steroids have gotten truly scary

The best analogy I can think of involving steroids in baseball relates to horror movies. Really, steroid outings are like horror franchise movies. They're terrible, they're pointless, they stopped being scary awhile ago and are now just sad, they're career-scarring for everyone involved--and they just won't stop! Even after people stop caring, they keep coming out with more. And the worst part is that they tend to involve veterans of the craft that we used to care about.

To this extent, Yasmani Grandal's outing as a steroid abuser is like the latest Final Destination movie (okay, there are several others I could have used, but that one just fit the best). I can back this up, too:
  • Both are terrible. I was growing some respect for Grandal, as he was a great rookie. I was gonna include him in Year By Year (which I still will), but now I'll do so because it's a big story. Also, the Final Destination movies are beyond bad. Any horror enthusiast will tell you that. I only watch them because I want to laugh at the terrible CGI and acting.
  • Both are pointless. I can see a point in testing Grandal for steroids, but nobody really cares about steroid outings, at least not since A-Rod's. Maybe Melky Cabrera garnered a little suspicion, but that's because it was so obvious. The same pointlessness belongs to the Final Destination movies, because they clearly should have just stopped at one.
  • Both stopped being scary awhile ago and are now just sad. Doesn't need much backing up.
  • Both are career-scarring for everyone involved. Like I said, I wanted to respect Grandal, but now I feel that I can't. He's been 'marked', and now I really can't respect him like I once did. The latest Final Destination movie has respectable actors in it, like David Koechner (yes, fratboys, he played Champ Kind from Anchorman) and Tony Todd (aka the Candyman). And now I can't take either of them seriously, for choosing to be even in a supporting role in this festering pile of crap.
  • Both just will not stop. After the A-Rod admission, I wanted to shove like 500 rocks up this waterfall and see if it would plug up. And every so often one or two drips would break through the rocks, and Grandal was another one. And it infuriates me, too. Also, like I said before, the Final Destination movies have no real sign of ending, except that last one seemed like the last one, thankfully.
 Do you get my point? Also, I can't stand talking about either. I really hate steroids, and I really hate when respectable players have to tell people they used it. And I really want this to stop.

In 2012 alone we had four huge steroid admissions: Freddy Galvis, Melky Cabrera, Bartolo Colon, and now Yasmani Grandal. I want 2013 to have absolutely NOBODY to come out and say "hey, I took steroids." It really makes me mad, because then I'll lose respect for them, too.

So there. I want 2013 to be an absolutely immaculate year for steroids. Nobody will get caught.

I can already see myself being incredibly wrong.

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