Thursday, September 4, 2014
Football Kickoff: How will this season go?
That's right! Tonight's the first NFL game of the season. The Packers are playing the Seahawks, and since there aren't any replacement refs this time, this one should go off without a hitch.
Last year, I made these predictions as to how the Super Bowl matchup would go if there were certain factors at play. I figured since it went well enough last year, I may as well do it again, only 2014 style. There are more jokes I can use now.
If everything goes like all the sportswriters have predicted it: Seahawks vs. Broncos. Broncos win.
If everything goes the exact same way last year did: Seahawks vs. Broncos, Seahawks win.
If the 'Eagles curse', saying that whoever plays the Eagles at their first home game will end up winning the whole thing (save for last year) is in play: Jaguars vs. 49ers. Jaguars win.
If Michael Sam has the greatest defensive year ever: Cowboys vs. Patriots. Cowboys win, and for the only time ever, I will be okay with it.
If Peyton and Eli made a bet at the beginning of the year: Broncos vs. Giants. Broncos win. Noogies ensue.
If John and Jim Harbaugh made a(nother) bet at the beginning of the year: 49ers vs. Ravens. 49ers win. Expletives ensue.
If Peyton and Eli made a bet at the beginning of the year, and then Archie said 'HEY, WHAT ABOUT ME??': Broncos vs. Saints. Saints win. Grounding ensues.
If the HBO execs had it their way: Falcons vs. Chargers. Falcons win...and still no one will want to do Hard Knocks next year.
If Johnny Manziel gets more playing time than Brian Hoyer: Browns vs. Packers. Packers win.
If Brian Hoyer gets more playing time than Johnny Manziel: Browns vs. Packers. Browns win. Nyeeeehhh.
If it were up to Terry Bradshaw: Steelers vs. Panthers. Steelers win. Neil O'Donnell will get MVP.
If it were up to Rex Ryan's mouth: Jets vs. Eagles. Jets win, eleventy-billion to three.
If somebody up there really, really hates me: Cowboys vs. Patriots. Patriots win.
If hell freezes over: Texans vs. Rams. Rams win.
If it were up to my dad: Raiders vs. Saints. Raiders win.
If it were up to me: Eagles vs. Broncos. Eagles win, and completely flabbergast Manning.
So yeah. If I'm lucky, one of those will come true.