And now, another episode of NO! NOT THERE! with Cole Hamels.

This is Cole Hamels. Perhaps you've heard of him.

Cole Hamels is, this season at least, the sole reason for Phillies fans to go to games, because he's still a pretty damn good pitcher, even with the limp support of the Phillies offense behind him. The only problem with this is it might be an opportune time to trade Hamels, being that the team needs to start again with younger stars. So, and I've come to terms with this, the question at this point is not 'is Cole Hamels going to be traded?'. It's 'where's he going?'

So far, the Red Sox and Cardinals, LIKE ALWAYS, have made themselves known as potential takers for Cole. The Sox would be the ideal choice, because they have enough prospects to trade away that the Phillies would definitely benefit from it.

But now...the situation's been complicated. Because who's jumped into the race for Cole but the Texas freaking Rangers.

The Rangers, for all intents and purposes, are doing pretty well this year. True, they're not a first-place team, but with the stuff Fielder's been doing, they're definitely more relevant than they've been. Their only flaw is their pitching; with the exception of Yovani Gallardo, everybody's either injured or tanking. So, nabbing Cole Hamels would be a nice choice, and would increase their postseason odds.

Now...let's zoom back a second. I was just saying that I would be fine with the Red Sox taking Cole Hamels. Me, the Sox-hater. Because the Sox are basically a non-factor this season. They're in last now, and it's not looking like they'll be in first by September. So I'm not really scared by the Sox getting Cole, because he won't really do anything for them except keep them afloat.

Cole on the Rangers...horrifies me. Because if they get just the right spark, the Rangers could be a postseason team, and possibly get back to the World Series. And Cole Hamels could potentially be that spark. The problem here is I REALLY don't want the Rangers to get back to the postseason. They could be deadly. So, therefore, Cole Hamels CANNOT go to the Rangers.

You see what they're making me do? I'd rather Cole Hamels go to the RED SOX...THE RED SOX...than the Rangers.

So...regardless of the numerous prospects the Rangers would throw in...nuh-uh. Can't happen. Which is why it's making me very nervous that it's looking like it will.