Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Dr. Fronkensteen meets A-Rod


Fronkensteen: Hand me that pen over there-
Inga and Igor: NO!
Frau Blucher: yyyyyyyYESSSS!
(she hands him the pen)
Fronkensteen: Love, mixed with a steady paycheck, is the only thing that can save this poor ballplayer...and I am going to convince him he is loved even at the cost of my own life. No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything this ballclub has worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door. 
Inga: Yes, Herr General Manager
Igor: Nice working with you.
(Fronkensteen enters the locker room. Frau Blucher locks the door. Fronkensteen trips on CC's Taco Bell wrapper, waking A-Rod)
Fronkensteen:  Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I was joking! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA... Jesus Christ, get me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy! 
(Fronkensteen looks at A-rod)
Fronkensteen: .............HELLO, HANDSOME!
(A-Rod looks behind him)
Fronkensteen: You're a pretty good ballplayer, do you know that? People laugh at you, people hate you, Boston fans boo at you, but why do they boo you? Because... they.......are......jealous! Look at that boyish face. Look at that monster swing. Do you wanna talk about physical strength? Do you want to talk about sheer muscle? Do you want to talk about the most powerful baseball player in recent history? You are a Hall of Famer! And listen to me, you don't suck at everything. You... are... GOOD!
(A-Rod kneels down and starts crying)
Fronkensteen: This is a nice player. This is a good player.  This is a manager's angel. And I want the world to know once and for all, and without any shame, that Alex Rodriguez CAN PLAY... BASEBALL! I'm going to teach you. I'm going to show you how to hit, how to field, how to run, how to THINK. and I are going to make the greatest single contribution to baseball...since the ACQUISITION OF PUJOLS!!!
Fronkensteen: MY NAME....IS....CASHMANSTEIN!

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd SCENE!

You see? I can actually do one of these that's topical AND funny!

Have a Happy Halloween everybody. As for New Jersey residents, just wait until Monday to laugh at this post. Governor's orders and all.

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