Eliminated Football Roundup: Week 16

 

As the playoff picture is becoming a lot more clear, we've got a lot more entries in this week's roundup of customs for eliminated teams. 

First off, the Vikings celebrated Christmas by being slaughtered by the playoff-bound New Orleans Saints. The Vikes were never a serious threat in the NFC North, despite some strong games from Dalvin Cook making him a league-wide threat, but they were capable of some clutch wins and some great moments. None of which happened in this Saints matchup. The good news is that the Vikings put up 33 points, but Alvin Kamara had the bigger game and waltzed past them for 52. 

The 49ers were one of a few eliminated teams that managed to not only squeak out a win this week but outdo some stacked odds against them. On Amazon Prime on Saturday, the tech-savvy 49ers looked to be a wash for Kyler Murray and the Cardinals, but C.J. Beathard, the Niners' third-string QB, powered the Niners to a win thanks to TWO Kyle Juszczyk touchdowns [man, I'm glad I made one of him last week], and some intriguing defensive work. This is still a flawed team that'll need some work done in the offseason, but they can still upset a potential playoff team, which is nice. 

Similarly, another wild card team, the Miami Dolphins, managed to overcome an early lead by the onetime playoff threats the Las Vegas Raiders and eliminate the black and silvers from the picture themselves. It was a frustrating moment from Carr, Jacobs and the Raiders, a team that had come so close to legitimacy, going toe-to-toe with Kansas City and great teams before coming into some truly bad luck recently. Despite some great work from Nelson Agholor, it was a game of field goals, and a drive with 19 seconds left gave it to Tua and his Dolphins. 

The Bengals at this point have just decided to be a furiously alright bad team. Yes, they're not much without Joe Burrow, but they still have guys like Tyler Boyd and Samaje Perine who can run the opposition out of breath. This week, it was the still-terrible Houston Texans they were up against, and despite the usual good effort from Deshaun Watson and J.J. Watt, the Bengals still outscored Houston, even led by Brandon Allen, the backup. While they may not be good enough to, you know, compete, the Bengals can still win games...just, against equally bad teams, it seems.

In a battle between two losing AFC West teams, it was the one with the all-but-certain Rookie of the Year that reigned supreme. What surprised me the most about this one was that it was a genuine QB battle- Herbert and Lock were both doing pretty damn well, despite the lower score. Though Melvin Gordon still had the best day with 79 rushing yards, Herbert and Austin Ekeler had the bigger day, and the win. Hopefully if the right people stay intact, the Chargers will be able to compete relatively soon, because Herbert is definitely the answer.

Leave it to the Carolina Panthers to keep the NFC East waiting game going for another week. In a fierce battle against the Washington Nonames, Teddy Bridgewater had another strong performance, Robby Anderson had another TD to add to his strong season, and Curtis Samuel had the best stats of the day. The Nonames will need to punch their ticket to the postseason with a win over Philadelphia...

Which should be relatively easy, given that Philadelphia can't seem to want to win anyway. The Eagles could have made a huge statement against the Cowboys this week. The Cowboys were starting ANDY DALTON for crying out loud. This was a golden opportunity. And yet despite Jalen Hurts' continued startership, the Cowboys STILL outscored the Eagles by 20 points and eliminated them from the playoff conversation. It was a game marred by the Eagles' lack of any defensive prowess due to injuries. Not even a much-needed TD from DeSean Jackson could help our case any. It was pitiful, and I'm sad I even wasted time believing they could actually do anything. 

Next week, we decide not only the NFC East champion, but the owner of that all-too-important AFC Wild Card spot. It'll be interesting to see who comes out on top. 

Football Predictions: Week Six

Sorry I've been away for most of the week, but being a college student is busy as hell. Long story.

Bottom line is I'm back, hopefully for good. And this week feels like the right week to be back into predicting. A lot of really nice match ups this week. Might as well get right into them, as nobody reads this paragraph anyway.


Jaguars vs. Titans:
Who Should Win: Titans, as they have the better record. This matchup is between two teams who aren't doing too well, as the Jags are 0-5, and the Titans aren't doing much better. However, the Titans have a few things the Jaguars don't. For instance- one win, a quarterback that isn't god-awful, and one or two receivers that are good and aren't rookies. Saying that the Titans have a more polished team than the Jaguars is not saying much at all, but the Titans have the shot going in.
Who Will Win: Titans. I only include the 'who will win' column because in a lot of match ups, the team that is projected via standings to win is not as good as the team that will likely win. Well, here this column s just used to basically say the same shit as the last column. Master Bortles, I bid thee the best of luck.
Overall: Titans over Jags. Likely to be low-scoring.

I rarely ever use captions, but check out the cameraman's expression. 

Ravens vs. Buccaneers:
Who Should Win: Ravens. Meanwhile, in the AFC North, the Ravens are having something that very nearly resembles a comeback season. I say very nearly because the division is so close together that it's kind of hard to say that anyone's having a comeback season. The Ravens are 3-2, and doing pretty well, especially given the circumstances that their best receiver got ousted. Meanwhile, the Bucs are 1-4. Kind of surprising that Mike Glennon still has his job.
Who Will Win: Ravens. This isn't too shocking, as the Ravens are indeed the better team, even if the Bucs have people like Vincent Jackson and Doug Martin to at least do some good things. I say this because if they had a better roster, the Bucs would be doing better this season. They have some good elements, but the crap elements keep overtaking them. Meanwhile, Joe Flacco and the Ravens (as the TV ads are no doubt referring to them as) will have no trouble steamrolling over them.
Overall: Ravens over Bucs.

Broncos vs. Jets:
Who Should Win: Broncos. I was with a Jets fan yesterday, and a friend of mine asked him a question that Jets fans are no doubt used to hearing at this point: "D'you think they'll wait til the end of the season to fire Rex Ryan?' Yep, it's one of those kind of seasons for the Jets. Their only win was against the Oakland Raiders, who have already done the right thing and left their coach stranded in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with nothing but John Madden's autobiography. Meanwhile, here they are, going up against the Denver Broncos, who are, despite the loss, still one of the best teams in the NFL. Now the question will likely be 'Will Rex Ryan survive the entire game?'
Who Will Win: Broncos. It's not simply because the Jets suck, although that does factor into it. It's because the Broncos had a colossal week last week, and Peyton Manning sees no sign of slowing down anytime soon. Plus, the receivers and defense are way more tested than the ones in Metlife. Put it this way: the outcome that you think is going to happen is likely going to happen.
Overall: Broncos over Jets. Brace yourself, Rex Ryan.

Lions vs. Vikings:
Who Should Win: Lions. Like usual this point in the season, the NFC North is a little jammed. Two teams in the front, two in the back, not too much middle ground. The Lions are currently driving the bus, and judging by the fact that the other team driving the bus will likely be steamrolling through Miami today, they will likely be sharing the steering wheel next week as well. Judging by the standings, it looks like the Lions are the favorite, which is not to count out the Vikings, who are definitely in it if they keep playing Bridgewater.
Who Will Win: Lions. This game could be incredibly close, and there is a chance that the Vikings could take it. However, I'm betting on the fact that the Lions, who have been red hot so far, will continue to be as good as they've been. Matt Stafford has never looked this good. This guy was a wimp five seasons ago. And now he's one of the better QBs in the league. Look for him to have an even bigger game today if all goes well.
Overall: Lions over Vikes.

Patriots vs. Bills:
Who Should Win: Patriots. This matchup could be one of the biggest stories of the day. The Pats are fighting for the lead in the AFC East, and they're fighting with the underdog Buffalo Bills. Most of the people writing the predictions are going to say that the Patriots will win, because Brady this and Gronkowski that, and Belichik this, and Manuel's a sophomore, and blah blah blah. HOWEVER...
Who Will Win: Bills. I believe that the Bills will take down the Patriots today. Why? Because Tom Brady might not be QBing for New England. If they bring in Jimmy Garappolo against the Bills, then the Patriots will lose. Garappolo is like a wimpier version of Matt Cassel, and that's saying something. Plus, the Bills have been winning more and more underdog match ups, so who's to say they can't win this one. It would offset the balance of power in the NFL. And I so badly want the Pats to lose.
Overall: Bills over Pats.

Panthers vs. Bengals:
Who Should Win: Bengals. The Bengals have had an unbelievable start, and the Panthers have...had an okay start. I really don't know what's up with them. They'll win some games, and Newton's apparently not playing well. I don't really don't know. The Panthers are an enigma to me. The Bengals are looking really good this year, and are likely going to dominate today.
Who Will Win: Bengals. Not much to say that hasn't been said in the last paragraph.
Overall: Bengals over Panthers.

Steelers vs. Browns:
Who Should Win: Steelers. Two of the bottom-ish teams in the division square off. The Steelers have been winning a few games, but still are lacking in a lot of the stuff that made them great earlier in the decade. The Browns are...alright, though they have a lot of work to do. Statistically speaking, the Steelers should take it.
Who Will Win: Steelers. I'm not gonna be bold and predict the Browns, because I honestly don't think they're going to win. The Steelers have a surging Roethlisberger, which is nice, because I was just beginning to count him out. The Browns just keep using Hoyer when they should just be putting in Johnny Football, so he can screw up some more. But yeah, Steelers are likely going to win.
Overall: Steelers over Browns.

Packers vs. Dolphins:
Who Should Win: Packers. This matchup could be handled very quickly, however I'm going to handle it very diplomatically. You see, the Packers have been winning a lot of very big match ups lately, especially huge division match ups, against Minnesota and Chicago. They would be ahead of the division if the Lions hadn't schooled them a few weeks ago. The Dolphins, on the other hand, are playing pretty poorly. Tannehill is probably not the answer for QB, and they can't think of a better one.
Who Will Win: Packers. It's not because the Dolphins are outmatched. I feel like they're going to try very hard today, but the Packers will be trying harder. Rodgers is gonna have a great game, etc.
Overall: Packers over Dolphins.

Chargers vs. Raiders:
I'm sorry, but do I even need to predict this one?
No, I didn't think so. Sorry, dad.
Overall: Chargers over Raiders.

Bears vs. Falcons:
Who Should Win: Bears. Stats-wise, the Bears should take this one, as they're still tight in their division, and they have won some nice-sized match ups. The Falcons are a little weak this season, even if they do have a lot of the right materials.
Who Will Win: Falcons. Now, you may call me crazy for calling this one, but please remember- I really don't want the Bears to win. The Lions are already enough of a problem in the NFC North. If I have to deal with Lions AND Bears (OH MY!), I would be a bit more nervous. So I think it would be nice for me, as a Packers fan, if the Bears got their asses kicked by Matt Ryan.
Overall: Falcons over Bears.

Cowboys vs. Seahawks:
Who Should Win: Seahawks. If this season had gone according to plan, I would be a lot more confident in this matchup. I would just be saying 'Cowboys suck, Jerry Jones is a loser, ha ha, go Seahawks', and calling it a day. But nope, the Cowboys have decided that they want to be good at football this year, and the Seahawks have decided to lose some games right off the bat, just so they seem human. So this game may be very tough to call, because either outcome is possible. In terms of who should win, it's obvious- Seahawks will be predicted to win everywhere.
Who Will Win: Seahawks. This game will be very, very close. Russell Wilson and Tony Romo will be trading barbs, and Lynch and Murray will be scoring a ton of touchdowns. It will come down to the last few minutes of the game. Maybe even overtime. I just see the Hawks taking it.
Overall: Hawks over Cowboys.

Redskins vs. Cardinals:
Who Should Win: Looking at the Stats, this should be easy to call. The Cardinals came out to a huge lead, which surprised everybody. The Redskins dropped like a brick, which surprised nobody.
Who Will Win: Cardinals. Even if Drew Stanton is probable, it looks like the Cardinals have this one, because RG3 still isn't playing like he was in 2012, and not even Pierre Garcon alone can save this team, as much as he'd like that.
Overall: Cards over 'The Team Formerly Known as the Redskins'.

Giants vs. Eagles:
Who Should Win: Eagles.
Who Will Win: Eagles. Please don't let me look like a pompous asshole on this one.
Overall: Eagles over Giants.

MONDAY NIGHT: 49ers vs. Rams: (I'll fill this in later)

Well, those are my predictions. Let's see how it all turns out.

Football Predictions: Week 7

I know Te'o might be a weak choice for a Predictions headliner, but my other choices were an injured DaMarco Murray, and a bye-weeked Charles Woodson. I'm sticking with Te'o.

This week is another exciting week for football, as the matchups are tougher, and the lines are beginning to form. As always, let's see how wrong I am in trying to predict them.

Buccaneers vs. Falcons:
Who should win: Falcons. I know they haven't really had the best record so far, but there is still hope in that roster. Matt Ryan is a great quarterback who deserves better. Tony Gonzalez is still playing well. The team is just weak this year, but I think the Bucs are a team they can beat.
Who will win: Falcons again. Last time the Bucs went up against a middling team, that team was the Eagles, and they beat the snot out of them. The Bucs are getting lower every week, without the help of Josh Freeman, and without that much roster unity. The Falcons are probably going to beat them here.
Overall: Falcons over Bucs.

Bengals vs. Lions:
Who should win: Bengals. I'm astonished as to how well the Bengals are playing this year. I mean, last year they were okay, but this year they are killing everybody. They went up against the Packers a few weeks ago and completely obliterated them. Andy Dalton is on top of his game right now, so that might account for things. I realize that they're playing the Lions, but the Bengals, looking forward, are the better team.
Who will win: Bengals. This game will probably be close, as we're talking about two teams that have been really good in 2013. However, I'm giving it to the Bengals solely because the Lions seem like they've been slowing down in the last few weeks. But it could go either way.
Overall: Bengals over Lions, in a very close margin.

Bills vs. Dolphins:
Who should win: Dolphins. These are two teams that were middling last year. One has definitely stepped up, that team being the Dolphins. The other started strong, and are basically sliding back downhill without EJ Manuel. I think the Dolphins look like the better team here, and Tannehill is improving on his 'eh, we'll take it' rookie year.
Who will win: Dolphins. The Dolphins' offense has really surprised people, and I think they're stronger than the Buffalo defense. Also, the Dolphins seem like a tight team this year, while the Bills are getting farther apart every week.
Overall: Dolphins over Bills.

Patriots vs. Jets:
Who should win: Patriots. We're talking about the biggest, baddest NFL team out there. Like, the Arnold Schwarzenegger of football teams. And they're going up against the Jets.
Who will win: Patriots. I should give the Jets more credit than that. Under different leadership this year they've become a better team, and they're finally winning games again. The only downside is that they're playing the Patriots, who are impossible to beat, unless you're the Saints.
Overall: Pats over Jets, a high scoring match.

Cowboys vs. Eagles:
Who should win: Cowboys. This is one of the most heated NFL rivalries, because we have two fanbases full of hot air fighting each other. These two teams aren't necessarily amazing this year, but they've been doing better in the last few weeks. By far glance, the one with the better record currently will take it.
Who will win: Eagles. DeMarcus Ware and DaMarco Murray, two of the strongest assets on the Cowboys, are not playing today. Nick Foles, on the other hand, is playing today, along with LeSean McCoy, DeSean Jackson, and a bunch of people who would like to beat a team when they're down.
Overall: Eagles over Cowboys, by a wide margin. The game will end with a shot of Jerry Jones weeping on the Jumbotron, yet still trying to sell his tears as the greatest tears in the world.

Bears vs. Redskins:
Who should win: Bears. One of the many catalysts of a tough NFC North, the Bears have been absolutely killing it so far, thanks to an impressive year by Jay Cutler. Now, they're going up against a team who they know is weaker than them, and they know will be a stronger force in the 2nd half. It should be easy.
Who will win: Bears. The Bears have a stacked offense, which should be called unfair. They have some amazing threats in their offense, including Brandon Marshall and Matt Forte. They also have a strong defense. The Redskins have some good players, and a QB who isn't as strong as last year.
Overall: Bears over Skins.

Rams vs. Panthers:
Who should win: Rams. It's basically a battle of 'who is doing better right now', and the Rams win that.
Who will win: Panthers. It's basically a battle of 'who is the exact opposite of who I think will win', and the Panthers win that.
Overall: Panthers over Rams, by a close margin. Or not. I dunno.

Chargers vs. Jaguars:
Who should win: Chargers. This is a battle between a team that has defied expectations, defeated teams that were hard to beat, and actually added truth to the rumor that they're winning the whole thing because they played the Eagles in their home opener, and the Jaguars. No contest.
Who will win: Chargers again. The Jaguars have absolutely nothing, except for Maurice Jones-Drew, and he's not playing like he always does.
Overall: Chargers over Jags. Then Manti will start dating some of the Jacksonville fans, which is weird, because nobody comes to games.

4 PM Games

49ers vs. Titans:
Who should win: 49ers. I know they're not playing like they did last year, but they're still winning games. Colin Kaepernick is still playing at least partially well, and the team is basically a lot of the same elements that gave them the NFC last year. Also, even if the Titans have Jake Locker back, they're still playing a team that is miles ahead of them in ability and performance.
Who will win: Niners again. That defense should probably stop any and all decent runs by rookies.
Overall: Niners over Titans, wide margin.

Browns vs. Packers:
Who should win: Packers. Because it's midnight for the Browns, and they're just about to turn back into their normal selves. Also, they're playing the Packers.
Who will win: Packers. Even if they were playing like they did the last few weeks, they'd still be up against one of the toughest teams in the NFL. Weeden or no Weeden, that's tough to beat.
Overall: Packers over Browns.

Texans vs. Chiefs:
Who should win: Texans, because I have one shred of belief that they could actually have a decent year this year.
Who will win: Chiefs, because Andy Reid crushes dreams.
Overall: Chiefs over Texans.

Ravens vs. Steelers:
Who should win; Ravens. This isn't too hard. The Ravens, despite losing a few games, have miraculously returned to form, and are back to being a powerhouse. The Steelers were in the Super Bowl three years ago, and everything's beginning to slide back downhill for them, as all the integral parts of their offense and defense that made them great are all gone, with the exception of Big Ben and Polamalu.
Who will win: Ravens. That defense isn't going to let Antonio Brown get the ball, even if that's all Roethlisberger throws to.
Overall: Ravens over Steelers.

8 PM GAME:

Broncos vs. Colts:
First of all, all the newscasters and sports people are gonna be talking about how this is the matchup of the season, Manning coming back home, and how it's gonna be so unpredictable in every way. WELL..
Who should win: Broncos.
Who will win: Broncos.
Suck on that, sportscasters.
Overall: Broncos over Colts. You know, because sportscasters really hate common sense. And I bet Bradshaw's still gonna predict the Colts to win, because he's an idiot.

Monday Night:

Vikings vs. Giants:
Who should win: Giants. In the battle of the inexplicably horrible teams, it seems rational to pick the team that hasn't won a game to win over the team that just lost some of its core performers to injuries. Therefore, as controversial as it is, I'm gonna do that...
Who will win: Vikings. Yeah, I'm gonna do that when the Giants play the Cowboys again.
Overall: Vikings over Giants.

So yeah, those are my predictions. Hope I'm right on some of them.