Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Things Mark Loretta Could Be Pointing To:

The Story So Far: Mark Loretta is in the middle of a photo shoot at Spring Training, 2002. Suddenly, and without warning, Mark is distracted by something in the sky, out of the frame of the photo. He points toward this unidentified object in complete awe.

This much is absolutely certain. We here at Mint Condition have begun to formulate what exactly Mark Loretta could be pointing at. We've come up with the following possibilities:

  • A jet carrying the other members of the 2002 Milwaukee Brewers, confused as to why Mark has gotten there a week early to just take pictures..
  • Loretta, who'd had a stake in Topps the previous year (according to one of our interns, Chad), was pointing out to the Topps people where the logo should go for the 2002 design. His idea lost out, sadly, to puke and ribbons.
  • Richie Sexson on the opposite side of the field doing the exact same pointing gesture, pissing off his respective camera crew as well.
  • Where his gear should go, directed towards the imaginary Green Bay spring training bike crew that Loretta seems to think applies to baseball as well.
  • The rough vicinity of Mark's lone Hall of Fame ballot voter.
  • A seagull
  • A blimp, broadcasting the phrase "GO BACK TO YOUR OLD UNIFORMS!"
  • A rare member of the early 2000's Brewers who wasn't an over-30 home run machine.
  • Cheese.
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger parachuting down, covered in debris, in the middle of filming his new movie "Hard Brewed".
  • The starting roster of the 2001 Milwaukee Bucks
  • Eric Young trying to escape, and a serious of coaches with nets trying to stop him.
  • More foil.
  • The corner of the card (the intern who thought of that has since been sacked).
  • Superman mocking Mark's goofy pose.
  • The recently dropped Times Square New Year's Ball, which had somehow made its way out of New York and was now hurtling towards Spring Training.
  • The meteor that will fall from the sky and give Mark the ability to be a borderline serious hitter for the next seven seasons.
  • Bubba Franks.
  • A careening Miller truck.
  • Fifth place.
So far, this is all we've got. If anyone knows anything more practical, other than just 'the sky' because it can't be that simple, let the Mint Condition team know in the comments.

(P.S.- This is the first of what's likely going to be many stream-of-consciousness photo-based posts. I got the idea a few years ago doing a contest from Chris at Nachos Grande, and liked doing posts like those (sort of like What Really Pisses Off Carlos Lee and Mr. Thomas Will Now Take Your Questions), and liked them so much that I wanted to bring them back as a recurring blog feature. Let me know what you think.)

No comments:

Post a Comment