Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Five Stages of Not Having 2014 Topps

(In this blog post, the part of Jordan will be played by Daffy Duck)


Wow, 2014 Topps Series One's out already?

Doesn't it always just creep up on you? Like, you're going around, biding your time, reading the funny pages, and then BOOM. 2014 Topps. You don't expect it.

I'm still thinking about football, too. I've got a Super Bowl to prepare for, one I actually might be attending (!!!!!), and I'm still picking up random packs of, like, Strata and Rookies&Stars and stuff. But now I gotta think about baseball cards. Quite a transition.


I don't need 2014 Topps. I still have some Stadium Club to sort.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! From all those boxes I busted. I still need to take inventory, post wantlists, and maybe some tradebait. I need to reaffirm my status as a blogger that actually means something. I've been doing this shit for five years.

Besides, the 90's Stadium Club is so much cooler. The full bleed photos, the risky ideas, the photography. THE EFFORT. ALL THAT EFFORT PUT IN THERE IS UNRIVALED! Especially by today's sets. 2013 Topps, they slap on a logo. They don't spend time thinking 'how do I make this fun?'

No, I'm too good for 2014 Topps. I have nostalgia to rely on. I have the classics. Who needs Daft Punk when you've got the Rolling Stones, man? (Don't answer that, Night Owl)


...Good gracious, this set actually looks good.

The photography. The designs. The 89 minis. Coco Crisp's hair. Man, this might be their return to form. I mean yeah, there'll still be short prints and parallels out the wazoo, but this photography REMINDS ME of some of the Stadium Club sets I'm defending. Dugout shots, throwbacks, double plays, plays at the plate. Fun photography.

Topps could actually be harkening back to their glory days.


(rereads last sentence)



...Why the hell don't I have any of that?

Why the hell couldn't I have just hit Target today? Oh right. I don't have a car, I'm a poor teen, and I'm a high schooler.

Why the hell did I look at the blogs? Why did I have such a pining for seeing other people's crap? Oh, right. That's what lured me to this in the first place. And I can't back out now. NOOOONO. Not now.

...why couldn't it have been me? Why couldn't it be like 2009, where I just happen upon Series 1 on a whim, before anybody else, and I flaunt it to the (nonexistent) masses? Why does it always have to be everybody else that gets all the good crap?

(realizes he's pulled a Peyton Manning jersey, a Posey/Bench dual game used, an Andrew McCutchen jersey and countless other awesome stuff.)



...Man, I've gotta get my hands on some.

Wait until I get a racker. Or a hanger box. Or anything. I'll tear it to shreds right there in the store. I'll shake it around and throttle a box like it's a damned Bop-It.

Actually no. Pay first. Shake later.

I'll buy out the entire store's worth of Topps. Screw budgets. Screw gift card balances. Screw college funds. I'll take it all. Then I'll drag it out for the rest of the year. Into October. Hey, Update's out. SCREW YOU. I'VE GOT SERIES ONE.

I just need...for it...to get to the Philly area...I'm like Jack Torrance at the end of the Shining over here.



Well, I guess all that remains is just to dream. To still check out the blogs, see what they get, and wait to experience it for yourself.

Boy, that'll be something.

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